Charmingly Bad Analogies

Claire and I, former teachers that we are, got a big kick out of reading a collection of really bad analogies picked out of stories written by high school students. I think you will as well.

Of course, some of these are so cleverly, exquisitely bad that the writer probably did it on purpose.  But then again, remembering papers that we graded back in the day, it is more than likely that these are unknowingly bad. Enjoy.

* Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

* He was as tall as a 6′3″ tree.

* He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

* The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.

* John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

* He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

* The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

* The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

* Fishing is like waiting for something that does not happen very often.

* It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.

Running After One's Hat...for 49 Years

It was in the spring of 1973 that I was browsing through The Antiquariam, a used book store in the Old Market section of downtown Omaha, when I discovered a somewhat battered, orangish copy of what was soon to become a life-changing book. I had experienced a few such encounters with books before this, notably Fyodor Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov (which influenced my conversion to Christianity) and, in later years, Henry Ironside's Commentary on Ephesians, C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters and Mere Christianity, Francis Schaeffer's The Church at the End of the 20th Century and A Christian Manifesto.

But the book I picked up at The Antiquarium was unique in several points. For instance, it served to introduce me to a writer who was remarkably talented in many genres. Indeed, this particular book showcased the writer's skill in poetry, essays, journalism, literary criticism, and short stories. There was an especially arresting quality about the writer's perspective as well. He looked at the same things that others did but from a different angle, one that illuminated and made memorable the truth of the thing. And finally, he was a master wordsmith who wrote in a style that liberally used metaphor, symbol, paradox, and humor -- and yet one which produced an analysis of even complex matters that was clear as glass. 

And I'd better add this. The writer was an absolute delight to read! Fascinating, provocative, convincing, inspiring, and, like I said, quite funny. Even when he was making the most serious of moral exhortations, he was able to do so with mirth, wit, and a charming confidence.

The writer I'm speaking of is G.K.Chesterton and the book I found there in the stacks was The Man Who Was Chesterton, a marvelous sampling of his incomparable work. That book would end up changing my life by introducing me to a writer who would become a life-long inspiration and friend.

Not bad for three dollars.

But before I knew of those GKC books and poems that would become treasured reading for me down through the years (The Man Who Was Thursday, Manalive, "Lepanto", Orthodoxy, the Father Brown stories, Heretics, The Napoleon of Notting Hill, The Thing, The Club of Queer Trades, "The House of Christmas," "The Donkey," the numerous collections of essays, and much more), I was first drawn in through reading just one enchanting essay while standing in the dark stall of that Old Market book shop. 

That essay was called "On Running After One's Hat" and it was for that essay alone that I bought the book and began my adventure.

By the way, if you're interested, that very essay, "On Running After One's Hat," can be read on-line right here. Go ahead; do it! And I hope that it stimulates and delights you like it did me those many years ago.

A "Rush Revere" Saturday Brunch

Last night I was reading Rush Revere and The Star-Spangled Banner, the humorous, exciting, and yet true-to-life history written for kids by Rush & Kathryn Limbaugh.  It is the 4th book in a series of 5 but Kathryn has recently announced she will begin adding more Rush Revere titles in honor of her late, much-beloved husband.

I’m reading through this series for the first time and I’ve been (for the most part) truly delighted in these insightful, inspiring narratives of early American history. It’s pretty easy to see how kids love these books – when they get the chance to read them. For instance, you’re not going to find them in public libraries or in references lists given by teachers in the government schools. They are way too historically sound, way too respectful of the Founding Fathers and the ideals of freedom, and thus way too threatening to today’s tsars of progressive political-correctness.  

I’m making sure I get through the series in time for the special Rush Revere Brunch we are hosting at our home on Saturday morning, March 27 at 10 o’clock.  We are going to have a great time enjoying a delicious repast and by talking together about 1) Rush Limbaugh and his influence, 2) fighting back against the cancel culture, and 3) ways to pass on to the younger generations the ideals (and true facts) of American history and Western civilization. 

Please let us know if you’re interested.

Catching Up, The First Wild Knight Meeting, and More

Even though Claire has struggled with a severe sinus infection the last few days, this week before we take off for a working vacation in Branson has been eventful and enriching. The highlights include: slow dancing together at Linda Potter’s fabulous birthday bash last Friday night; writing a couple of articles and a gang of letters; sending out a few signed copies of The Christmas Room; getting in several days of my walking regimen; hosting the first of our Wild Knight book club discussions; and presenting the last of this month’s “When Swing Was King” shows.

But we still have several things to do before we take off for the Ozarks and among them are two items regarding The Book Den. 1) A quick recap of Monday night’s meeting of the Wild Knight book club. and 2) Updating my reading list for the year.

1) The Wild Knight club deals with fiction, meets only quarterly, and encourages participation even from distant friends. Thus, last Monday night’s meeting started with me reading a terrific review of Sir Walter Scott’s Ivanhoe from Dr. Greg Gardner of Birmingham, England. It provided a nice stimulant to the subsequent discussion of the novel by Linda Scheffler, Matt Troutman, former English prof at Grace University Leonard Johnson, and his wife Diane; and Claire and me. We had a great time discussing a genuine classic. And after the desert, we decided on next quarter’s book, Walter Wangerin Jr.’s The Book of the Dun Cow. Of course, if you’re interested in becoming a Wild Knight yourself, please grab a copy of Dun Cow and let us know.

2) I guess I’m a little tardy in keeping up with updating my reading list. (My last “catch up” post was on February 7.) The schedule has been pretty busy — which worked to keep down the numbers of books read. But then the weather (cold, windy, snowy, rainy) kept me from walking as much as usual — which worked the other way. Anyhow, in the last couple of months I’ve read:

* More than a dozen novels of Donald Bain under the “Murder She Wrote” banner. No, this isn’t great literature but the novels (which feature Jessica Fletcher, Cabot Cove, and all the rest from the popular TV series starring Angela Lansbury) provides short, easy, and entertaining reading for those (like us) who enjoy what are called “cozy mysteries.”


* Re-reading Anthony Hope’s most famous adventure novels, The Prisoner of Zenda and Rupert of Hentzau were also a lot of fun.

* Re-reading Alice in Wonderland and (of lesser value, in my opinion) Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll was enjoyable. Of course these books provide interest for those who enjoy the sound and rhythm of words, humorous turn of phrases, clever word play, satire, the fruits of a vivid imagination, and an adult reinterpretation of things you’ve known since childhood.

* On much more serious topics, in these past few weeks I finished a couple of books by Swiss physician Paul Tournier. They were both re-reads also but as provocative and insightful as ever. They were The Meaning of Gifts and The Adventure of Living.

* Captivating and inspiring was To Try Men's Souls: A Novel of George Washington and the Fight for American Freedom by Newt Gingrich & William R. Forstchen. It was the February selection of the Notting Hill Napoleons. (Unfortunately, we missed the March book.)

* Two books that I’d been going through slowly, carefully, and with great spiritual profit were No Little People by Francis Schaeffer (a re-read from long ago) and Happiness by Randy Alcorn. I recommend both very highly.

* More unsettling than ever was my re-read of George Orwell’s classic study of a humanistic, totalitarian regime, 1984.

* A quite different kind of book for me was Steve McQueen: The Salvation of an American Icon by California preacher Greg Laurie. It was a bit long-winded for me, covering the same territory too many times. And yet the stories of both writer and subject were quite compelling. And so I would recommend it, especially to those of my own generation. For as important as anything, is that the book has already created several opportunities for me to talk to others about McQueen’s conversion to Christianity. And I'm sure they would both be pleased to know that.

* And finally, there’s the re-read of Ivanhoe by Walter Scott that I make reference to above. Terrific stuff.

Okay, on to the next titles!

How to Deal with a Recurring Book Club Problem

Under Review: The Christmas Room

The Amazon reviews are beginning to come in on my new novel, The Christmas Room. Here’s a few.

“I loved The Christmas Room. The story is innovative and captivating, full of familial struggles and true to life stories that so many can relate to as they deal with aging parents. You'll learn and grow in your knowledge of care for the elderly and will be encouraged by the healing power of love, patience and kindness. Assisted living and nursing home employees/employers will especially enjoy how they can relate to so much in this book. Senior citizens have much to offer us!”

“Great read. Denny does a great job bringing out the good as well as the bad that families face dealing with family issues while also juggling the declining health of a loved one. Going to be sending this to friends and loved ones for Christmas 2015. Thank you!”

“Thank you so much.  The Christmas Room is written with so much appreciation and respect for our elders as well as capturing the daily blood, sweat, tears, and joy of a nursing home.”

“The Christmas Room is a book that holds your heart. Each page is full of love, compassion and joy. While the characters go through their trials and doubts - their faith grows, as forgiveness, mercy and understanding is waiting for them if they just trust and believe. A good read from a strong Christian writer.”

“The book is a bit of heaven in this cursed world. Oh if there really was a place like this for someone who needs care. This would be the place. Mr Hartford has such a wonderful way of weaving the personalities in harmony, problem solving, love, and respect for the dignity of all life. What a great book!”

Copies of The Christmas Room are available from Amazon and from Kindle download.  The novel can also be purchased at Bookworm and Divine Truth book shops in Omaha.

Endangered By Huge Ships? There's Help Available.

How much would you pay for a joke?

Or, for that matter, if you were a captain of a small boat which frequently traveled in the ocean paths of tankers, cruise ships and aircraft carriers, how much would you pay for helpful guide like this one?

Of course, the reason for the purchase doesn't really matter.  After all, it's a matter of supply and demand with the supply being extremely limited. (Cornell Maritime Press no longer exists.)

Amazon is offering 7 new copies from $446 with 12 used copies starting at $249.97.

And, if you want a few laughs, you'll want to troll through the reader's reviews at the Amazon page. Among my favorites (though I must admit, I didn't go too far down the list of over a thousand entries!) are these:

* Given that there is a huge ship bearing down on me RIGHT NOW I am extremely disappointed that I cannot get instant download.

* I bought How to Avoid Huge Ships as a companion to Captain Trimmer's other excellent titles: How to Avoid a Train, and How to Avoid the Empire State Building. These books are fast paced, well written and the hard-won knowledge found in them is as inspirational as it is informational. After reading them I haven't been hit by anything bigger than a diesel bus. Thanks captain!

* This book really is one of the best huge ship avoidance references I've come across, not just for the effective methods it teaches as to avoiding huge ships, but also for exploding some of the huge ship avoidance myths that many of us take for granted. For example, do not charge the huge ship at full speed in an attempt to scare it off. This may work with coyotes, but it is less effective with huge ships.

* Captain Trimmer presents a rather novel technique for avoiding huge ships - move your boat out of the path of the huge ship. I know what you're thinking, this goes against conventional wisdom, but Trimmer presents significant empirical evidence to support his theory. Indeed, over the long run, moving out of the way will dramatically decrease the number of huge ship collisions you will have to endure in your daily life.

* I was very excited to find my copy of How to Avoid Huge Ships in the mail three months ago. However, I was very disappointed regarding the length of this "book". The book begins with a lengthy forward as well as a dedication followed by only 2 chapters....Chapter 1. Turn Left-----And Chapter 2. Turn Right. While statistically accurate and fundamentally helpful, the two chapters really left me wanting more. However, I was satisfied with the results of the book seeing as I have not had any encounters with huge ships since.

* Read this book from cover to cover. Still got hit by a huge ship. Am very disappointed in misleading title.

* I have read this book three times and I am still running into HUGE ships. I feel like I understand the concepts detailed in the book, but seem not to be able to apply them while on the water.

* If you only buy one book on avoiding big ships this year then it should be this one. In a world awash with a plethora of inferior and mediocre large vessel evasion media this tome is simply the apex. A must buy for the big ship avoiding enthusiast in your life

* The good captain's earlier works Steer Away from Lighthouses and The White Whale: A Case for Letting Go were both very important additions to the sailing lexicon. This book is no different, giving invaluable advice to those of us who have spent many leisurely boating trips dashed under the prow of huge ships. That being said, the slogan "If you buy this you will miss the boat!" is not helping sales.

How Windy Is It?

It is a very, very windy day here in Omaha, the proof of which came most forcefully to me when I exited the coffee shop this morning.

No, I won't go into detail about the adventure I experienced but I'll give you a hint -- it took me back to the first essay I ever read of G.K. Chesterton's, "On Running After One's Hat."

That essay, by the way, was the beginning of what would become a profound and thoroughly enjoyable admiration for the great writer that's lasted for 42 years and counting.

Interested in checking out that essay for yourself? You can do so right here.

What Am I Going Through? (Books, That Is.)

So many books. So little time. Especially when you have a full-time (and then some) job, when you must prepare Sunday sermons on the side, when you have a lot of social obligations, and when you have to tend to your house, garden, lawn, and cars.

So how can you find time to read? Simple. Don't watch TV.

With that introduction, let me run through the books that have occupied my "spare time" since last checking in to The Book Den in late March. The number of stars (0-4) attached with each listing suggests how highly I would rate these books for other readers.

* Unjust Enrichment: How Japan's Companies Built Postwar Fortunes Using American POWs by Linda Goetz. (4 stars)

* On the advice of a close friend, I tried the political thrillers of Vince Flynn. I enjoyed the first few quite a bit but they tailed off in quality as I went on. The momentum kept me going for the last three or four but I finally gave up. I read 10 of them in all but, with all things considered, I'm not recommending them except to readers who are already into that genre.

* Wyatt Earp: The Life Behind the Legend by Casey Tefertiller. This wasn't the most elegant or effective prose but the historical detail was immense and fascinating. (3 stars)

* Little Casear and Asphalt Jungle by W.R. Burnett. Both books inspired classic Hollywood films. The first is a best-selling gangster novel from the 1930s (2.5 stars) and the second provided a model for what is now known as a police procedural. It was more substantial. (3 stars).

* April's reading included one of my frequent visits back to J.R.R. Tolkien's Middle Earth. The Hobbit, The Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers, and The Return of the King. These are all 4 stars plus.

* Alistair MacLean is one of my favorite writers of adventure but I had never read Ice Station Zebra, Where Eagles Dare, Captain Cook, or South by Java Head. All were thoroughly enjoyable. I'd give the first two novels 3 stars. But Captain Cook is a tremendous piece of historical non-fiction that rates 4 stars. Also, I give 4 stars to South by Java Head, a tense page-turner set in the South Pacific during World War II. But it is more than a thriller; it is excellent human interest literature and I'll be submitting it for inclusion in our Notting Hill Napoleons rota.

* Speaking of the Napoleons, I had read Arnold Bennett's comic novel The Card last year and suggested that the book club take it on this year. They did. I re-read it for the discussion in April and loved it as much as I did the first time. (4 stars)

* The May selection of the Napoleons was Daphne du Maurier's The Scapegoat. I liked the first 5 pages and then discovered the plot involved a doppelgänger. I don't do doppelgängers. I immediately quit reading. Good riddance.

* Since about the beginning of May, the cares of the bushes, flowers and
lawn have taken up a lot of time ordinarily invested in reading. But I did find time late at night to drop in a few Erle Stanley Gardner mysteries and a few Saint books from Leslie Charteris. For entertainment in the detective/mystery genre without the reader sacrificing a lot of time or, more important, his moral convictions on matters of gore, language, sexual titillation, and political-correctness, these two authors almost always rate 3 stars...at least.

* Finally, I managed in early May a couple of autobiographies. I read Andy Williams' book just shortly after his death. It was certainly interesting to someone like me who has listened to Andy Williams' music all my life, but it lacked moral character or inspiration (2 stars). The other was written by country singer, Larry Gatlin. Now I knew much less about him and therefore wasn't as drawn to the book initially. But his prodigal son theme captured me quite early in the book and I was repeatedly encouraged by the lessons his life story proclaimed. (3 stars)

Is It Insomnia...or Just a Good Book?